A Big Deal... Or Not

7:00 AM

I happen to come in contact with many different types of people. I've been involved in some type of Christian ministry for years. I've been to conferences, youth camps, mission trips and heard alot of sermons. I work as a wedding photographer, I liked to keep tabs on the wedding photography industry and come in contact with creative types in that field. I know many entrepreneurs and small business owners. 
(note: reread this paragraph and didn't like how I communicated. It edges on pretentious, which is exactly what I am *not* trying to express. My point was that I've had exposure to many groups of people and there is one trend that permeates every group)

 No matter what the sphere of people that I've encountered, I have noticed the most disturbing trend in all of them.


People like to think that they're a Big Deal.

Hi, I'm a photographer and I'm a Big Deal.
Hi, I'm an artist, and I'm a Big Deal.
Hi, I play in a band, and I'm a Big Deal.
Hi, I sing songs and make youtube videos, and I'm a Big Deal. 

Change the specifics and realize nobody will actually say this outright, but the meaning is clear: people really, really think they're a Big Deal. Or maybe they're inwardly insecure, but outwardly portraying the Big Deal identity. 

It makes me wonder if everyone in the world is having an identity crisis... always proving themselves over and over to other people... to the Internet.. to themselves. 

It is possible to succinctly state what you do without making it about who you are. Look up to the top of this blog. I state what I do. It helps to illustrate who I am, but it's not who I am. Maybe someday I will cease to be most of those things. I'll probably live a quiet little life with a bunch of little babies on my hip, and the world think that I'm much less than a Big Deal. That's okay with me. I will probably be busy trying to shepherd little ones' souls with no time to think about if the nameless, faceless internet horde thinks that I'm a Big Deal.

I've wrestled with the questions of identity before. I've asked myself the questions like, who am I? What do I do? Am I important? Am I influential? What do people think of me? Does it really matter? Can I give up everything for the career that most demean and few respect (homemaking)? Of course, I wrestled with variations of these questions a long time ago and by the time I've reached age 30, I'm not in an identity crisis anymore. I know who I am, what I'm doing and where I'm going by the grace of God. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am a Big Deal to only two. 
1. I'm a Big Deal to God. 
When Someone gives up His only Son as a death sacrifice because of my sin, and made a way to have a personal relationship with me, even though I was wretched and sinful and undeserving, He really cares. He really loves. He really thinks that I am valuable to Him.

2. I'm a Big Deal to my husband. 
In a lesser sense than the sacrifice that God has given for me, Brandon has given up much---forsaken all others--for my love, for our marriage. He married me because he loves me, and he values me. He loves who I am and who I am becoming. He loves what I do now and what I'll do in our future together. 

There are other folks that value me, that care about me and whose opinions of me are not tangled up in my status, my importance, my jobs, my projects, what I can do for them, or my cool factor. I appreciate these people. I doubt I'm a Big Deal to them, and I really don't need to be. 

And then, there's everybody else. About seven billion other people in the world. I don't think I need to be a Big Deal to them. 

I don't even need to be a Big Deal to myself.
I'd rather to be no deal at all.
I'd rather just be quiet, little, important-to-few me. 

That's enough for me. 

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Christian, wife, mama, photographer, musician, worshipper, book-collector, coffee-lover, small-town Pennsylvania girl.

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