It has been a rainy week and a half in the soul for me. Many hours spent holding a sick, not-so-sick and then just plain teething baby (tooth #6 has appeared!). Days filled with doing the right thing by postponing social engagements and then wondering why I am not getting anything else done. Yesterday, the babe was happier and I reorganized the pantry cupboards as part of our ongoing struggle against a little mouse crusader who thinks he should have a home in Sunnyside Cottage. The answer is no. Friendly mice with good manners only appear in books.

I do appreciate rainy days for how much they lend themselves to thinking. The steady thrumming of raindrops on our tin roof turns my thoughts into dreams and principles and deep meditations. I feel like the weightier things of life are easier to grasp on rainy days.

So I have been thinking on things like hospitality and family values and what we need to be happy. Considering the concept of giving kindness to strangers and what that means and what is my motivations (selfish or unselfish?) and how to receive gratefully. I felt this concept keenly a few days ago. While in a retail store, a young woman approached me while I was holding Devereaux and looking at a baby winter hats. She smiled, took a single pink rose from the bouquet in her hands and said, "for you." I was stunned and simply said, "thank you." And then I smiled for the next hour. I didn't question why she gave me a rose. I just accepted it for what it was --- kindness freely given. And I was challenged by this gesture to a complete stranger.

Kindness to strangers is a concept demonstrated throughout Scripture.

I mentioned that we often see wildlife on our daily evening walk. A few days ago, I had a staredown with this guy and it pretty much stopped me in my tracks.

It reminded me of one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.

I am reminded that "mourning" or anxiety or the attitude of being downcast is a choice. When instead I choose to put my hope in God and praise Him, everything changes... for the better... in my heart.


PS - It was exactly four years ago that Brandon and I had our engagement portrait session by the waterway in Frederick, MD. It was pretty, romantic and (yes) there was kissing. Because we love each other. Still love each other... and there's still lots of kissing... but anyway, see the photos here!

Maybe I should be writing about our recent fast-and-furious trip to NYC, but it’s not what I’m thinking about today so I’m going off-script (as if there is a script for my blog. There’s not.) Today, I was furiously pedaling, sweating and laboring through a cycling class at the gym and thinking just as intensely about doing hard things.

Some people mistake doing hard things for doing great things. Many times the hardest things are not great; they are not anything for which you will become famous. They are not publicly praiseworthy or instagram-worthy or begging for a shoutout on facebook.

“Hey guys, I did 5 loads of laundry today when I felt like watching TV instead! Applaud me now!”
“Hey guys, I actually went to the gym instead of buying more food. Booyah to me.”
“Hey guys, I managed to keep my mouth shut every time a coworker said something completely ridiculous to me. ”

Get the picture? Yeah, life is hard. Life is full of unglamorous, seemingly unimportant, yet truly necessary battles of self-discipline. When I say I’ve been thinking about doing hard things, I’m saying that I’ve been thinking about taking care of my daily responsibilities without complaint. I’m thinking about saying no to the candy bars parading through my office every afternoon even though I reeeeeally want to eat one. I’m thinking about ignoring that worldly voice speaking through various websites/magazines/etc., always saying to ‘love myself more’ and ‘do what you want!’ and my absolute favorite --- “you should buy this (thing/food/comfort), because you deserve it.” Nothing screams first-world entitlement like proclaiming that you deserve something. I don’t deserve things. I am blessed by things. I am thankful for things, but I am not entitled to eat dessert every meal or get a raise right now or be recognized or sleep in on Saturdays. Nope. Not entitled to those things at all. I was telling a friend recently that sometimes you just gotta do things you don’t want to, just to do things that you don’t want to. It’s self-discipline. I am convinced that one of the most valuable skills that you gain as you mature is the ability to say no to your desires.


Growing up means saying yes to working when you feel like playing.

Growing up means waking up when you feel like sleeping.

Growing up means giving when you feel like taking.

Growing up means studying when you feel like watching TV.

Growing up means recognizing that just because you want something is not a legitimate reason for buying it. Just because you think something is not a good reason to say it. And “because I feel like it” is actually the worst excuse to verbalize. 

If you’re thinking that I’m preaching to you, I kind of am. But you kind of deserve it because you chose to read my blog—which is like asking me pointed questions about what I think and actually listening to the answers. I gots lots to say, y’all. Hence the blogging.


However, mostly I’m preaching to me. I have been mulling over this concept for months. The continual challenge to me as a Christian believer is to sacrifice what I want for what God wants. There are clear commands in Scripture that tell me about my responsibilities as a Christian, as a wife, as an employee, as a fellow-follower-of-the-Way. Sometimes those commands include things that I don’t always feel like doing. And denying my flesh is hard.


Loading the dishwasher is hard. Eating the right amount of food (instead of too much food, which is gluttony) is hard. Going to work every single day to an accounting job is hard. I could go on and on and on, but I won’t. The point is that I am in the process of learning to do hard things, even when I don’t feel like it. 

“but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” 1 Corinthians 9:27

 

All photos from our Maine trip in August 2013.
Climbing Beech Mountain at Acadia National Park. It was hard, but we did it.

My fingers feel like ice cubes. And you might be thinking that I should turn the heat up in my house, but at the time of this writing, I’m actually at Starbucks. Maybe it’s a conspiracy propagated by business giants to subliminally convince people to BUY MORE COFFEE, but it might be simpler than that. Central Pennsylvania is going through a bit of a cold snap and hence, it’s COLD EVERYWHERE.
 
Brrrrrrr. Freeeezing cold.
I’ve been wearing dress pants as much as possible to work, and thinking, “Will anybody really notice that I already wore these black corduroys twice this week? Nawwww.” It’s about self-preservation, y’all. I must be preserved. I must be warm.

It is so interesting to me that something so miniscule and insignificant like being cold can test my character. I’m like, “my nose is cold. waaaaah.” I don’t usually whine out loud, but my thoughts are very whiny when it comes to cold.
 
One of the most profound things that my dad has ever said is this, “There is no such thing as bad weather; just bad clothing choices.” For those of you that haven’t done snow removal as a side job for ten or twenty years (like he did, and me, too), this translates into Preparation is Key! You are miserable --- not because of circumstances --- but because of the lack of preparation for those circumstances. You are miserable, but it’s nobody’s fault but your own.

When I was a homeschooled kid, we would pray together in the morning and sometimes go through the Scriptures about putting on the armor of God. It hit me recently that human response to life’s events are usually misery, complaining and altogether bad character. Dare I say that even my own response to trouble is the most childish complaining.

Here’s the thing: God has given us everything we need to be strong in the midst of storms. Trials come. They should not surprise us. The key is how we prepare for those trials. Are we spiritually healthy? Are we spiritually clothed? Are we spiritually sheltered?
Have we fed on the Bread of Heaven daily? Have we taken up the armor of God? Have we been sheltered under the refuge of the Almighty? Have we walked down the paths of life daily with our Helper & Guide?
Have we lived at the feet of Jesus?
Have we thought on good things?
Have we become spiritually prepared for the storms of soul that will surely, surely come? Trials come and we should not be surprised by them.
 
To sum up, I’m taking the profoundly practical words of my dad and applying them to spiritual things. Put your spiritual clothes on --- your armor – to get ready for the cold when it comes, because it will definitely come.

  So ya know how sometimes you just feel “off?” A little cranky, a little upset, a little down, but you’re not even exactly sure why. You are upset. You feel like complaining. You are having a bad day, except the bad day just started a few minutes ago. Today, I’m talking about how to UN-crankify yourself. Because there’s no reason to be miserable if you can help it, right?
 
Go back to the beginning. a ‘la The Princess Bride (Vizzini says to go back to beginning!). Moving on from classic movie quotes. When I’m feeling cranky, I have to go back to the first thing that made me feel bad. Sometimes it was the news story I read about children getting hurt or modern-day slavery or political war – in all honesty, a good percentage of my crankyness has to do with negative news coverage. Hence the reason I’m dialing back my media reading. It’s just not worth the effort. Sometimes I’m cranky because of things I see on social media – I worry about friends, their families, their choices. I take on their problems in my head and it makes me wonder--why do so many people put negative things on social media? It’s like they want everyone else to be miserable like them--- which is selfish. Also, a good reason for me to dial back my social media consumption. I have been willingly taking on the burdens of others, and it’s unnecessary. Sometimes I go back to the beginning and I’m worrying about something that happened at work, or if I can schedule an event in my calendar when it should be, or I’m remembering something bad that happened to friends, or I’m just dreading going to Walmart at rush hour (don’t laugh—Walmart always puts me in a bad mood. People are crazy). I have learned that I have to figure out what the source of my frustration is, before I can address it.

Read a Psalm. Or any Scripture, really. I like to go over Psalm 23 in my head. A) because I memorized it as a teenager and it rolls around in my thoughts easily, and B) there are some very simple, profound truths in it.  “The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul..” Usually, that’s where I stop because wow, that’s enough Truth to kill my bad mood any day. Let’s take a look – The Lord is my shepherd! He’s the one who leads me, protects me, binds up my wounds, holds me, helps me, and ultimately cares for me. What do I have to worry about? I shall not want. His provision is complete. Perfect. He even provides me with joy, when I don’t feel happy. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He takes me to good, lush, beautiful places. He leads me beside still waters. He directs me to a place of peace. He restores my soul. Oh yes, the Lord restores my soul. He puts me back together. He makes me back into a joyful, restful, wonderful state. Because He can do that, and He wants to do that for me.

Go to Bed Early. Here’s a non-spiritual, common-sense solution to most of your problems (slightly facetious over here… and slightly not). Sometimes I am cranky because I didn’t get enough sleep. It’s nice to get stuff done and it’s nice to stay up late and ‘relax,’ but the fact is that without good sleep in the proper quantity, it will just make tomorrow miserable. So do yourself a favor---just go to bed. The sun will come up tomorrow, and your mood will be better.  Workout. Working out releases endorphins. Studies have shown that working out actually makes you happier. Weird, eh? I’m not even telling you to spend three hours in the gym like the meathead gym rat guys --- just go for a walk (fresh air is nice, too!) or do some jumping jacks and pushups or stretch on the living room floor. Just MOVE and you’ll be surprised at how much that movement makes you less cranky than you were before. :)

Do the Exact Thing that You Were Avoiding. A few weeks ago, I sat down and finally dealt with that mountain of unmatched socks that had been taunting me for a good long time. It took me maybe 45 minutes (there were A LOT of socks), but at the end, I felt the most ridiculous sense of relief. It sounds silly, but that task was adding to my daily frustration because every day I would see that laundry basket and felt like an instant failure. Now maybe it’s not socks. Maybe it’s organizing the Tupperware cabinet (that’s on my list) or sending an email that you’ve been avoiding or having a tough conversation or scrubbing the bathtub… just do it. You’ll be glad you did.

Eat Chocolate. Just a Little Bit. What? THIS IS A GREAT PLAN. Eating a little bit of dark chocolate has been proven to improve your mood. It makes me happy anyway (as I crunch on dark chocolate.YUM) . And that’s what this is really about. :P

Live in the Present. My husband says that I like to say “don’t borrow trouble.” I didn’t realize that it had become my mantra until he repeated it back to me. Sometimes we start talking about the future and get to worrying about things that are not in our control and that’s not right. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.” It’s the wisdom of the Word (Matthew 6:34). When our thoughts of the future (or the past) become an obsession so that it steals our joy today, we know that our perspective is wrong. I know that we serve a good God, who has directed our paths so perfectly and has already been to our future and continually gives us direction. Worry is futile. It is imperative to kick crankiness out, especially when that crankiness is because of worry, and be focused on living in the present.

Our days are gifts from God – let’s enjoy them. 

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you;” 1 Peter 4:12 The wind blows. Why are we surprised when it comes? The wind blows hardest and fastest and roughest on the mountaintops. It rushes in your ears and smashes your hair into the eyes and whips like a frenzy. It holds you captive for a little while with its power. It is overwhelming and intimidating… and yes, dare we say, surprising.
I feel so small.
I feel like the storm is so big.
I feel like I can’t do enough.
I feel like my fight is in vain.
I feel as if I am ripped apart by the various storms.
I feel as if no one understands.
I feel as if the attacks never stop.
I feel undone.

Then you realize… you can survive the wind. You can be moved by it, but not destroyed by it. You can be changed and formed and created into something better, without being embittered by it.

This post is for you and for me. This is for every friend and every family member and every person that is enduring a crushing trial. It is for you—that your trial has come to a close and now you’re reflecting on the goodness of God. It is for you—who know that the sharp, biting pain came to an end and now you’re living through the dull ache of loss. It is for you—who love those who say they love back and yet feel rejection every single day, and most acutely during the holiday season.
This post is for everyone… because the fact is, every one of us goes through trials every once in awhile. While we feel our own trials the most, everyone else is at times facing something just as difficult. Hard, hard trials. I could make lists of pain that would make you gasp and cry and wonder at their cruelty. Sometimes I feel like my heart is being torn out, that I am still grieving for myself and for others. Trials come. They just happen.

I’m learning something new these days. I’m learning that life is what you make of it.
This isn’t just about living through a trial. This is about living! Truly, really, authentically, vibrantly living.
I’m learning that I can frown at the past or I can smile at the future. That I can choose to wallow in the muddy hole of trial, or I can lift my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. I’m learning that perspective is nearly everything – when the perspective involves loving Christ and living in His will.
I’m learning that I can complain or I can live in contentment.
I’m learning that the absence of loved ones does not have to diminish the everyday joy that God gives me. That the path that I’m walking is full of light and life and good things. I cannot ever change people or circumstances – only God can do that – so in the meantime, I will LIVE. I will smile. I will love. I will embrace fiercely the beauty of every new day.

I enjoyed my work. And it was good (enough).

I'm actually writing this blog entry from a hotel room. Brandon was sent on a business trip, and thank the Lord, I get to go along! We both dislike being away from each other overnight---like two years of marriage and never been away overnight. I think it's one of the things dating long-distance does for the relationship. Distance = evil. No distance = wonderful. See? Makes sense, right? Actually, it really doesn't have to makes sense to you. :P I'm not offended... moving on...

We just barely got home from our wonderful week-long vacation in Maine. It was blissful. Beautiful. Relaxing. Exhausting (hiking and biking like champs!). Romantic. Scenic. Amazing.
In a word... Perfect. 

I am so glad we went. It was a bit of a sacrifice. Planning out the vacation. Taking off vacation time that we could've saved for during the school semester. Saving up our money. Getting ready to leave in August, which happens to be one of the busiest months. But we did it and it was good. 

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Speaking of good things, I've been meditating on this verse for the last few days.

"You have given him his heart's desire, and You have not withheld the request of his lips. For You meet him with the blessings of good things..." Psalm 21:3

This is a psalm of David. The non-inspired title on the top of this chapter in my Bible says "Praise for deliverance." We think of deliverance as God bringing us out of catastrophic destruction.... and He does that! But I think sometimes we focus on the horribleness of things that life throws at us, and forget that God meets us with good things.
GOOD things.

My God wants good things for me.
Isn't that what love is? Love doesn't seek its own. Conversely, love seeks good for others.
When God loved me, He delivered me. And daily, He shows His love by meeting me with good things.

I'm not even necessarily talking about material possessions or fireworks or mind-blowing miracles. I'm talking about the little blessings. The tiny bursts of joy when I recognize that God's hand has been working in my life in a certain area for months and I had no idea. I'm talking about experiencing the love of Christ through a friend's helpfulness, thoughtfulness and kindness. I'm talking about.. yes... the beauty of sunsets that takes my breath away, the pressure of my husband's hand on mine, the warmth of a coffee mug on a cold morning, the rush of the ocean as the tide comes in. A child's smile, a soaring eagle, a glittery lake. I'm talking about the little desires of my heart that I never voiced, but somehow God made them happen... And I realize that dreams come true because of an ever-so-loving Father.

I'm talking about the good things we take for granted, or we ignore because we're soooo busy doing stuff. What stuff? Important stuff? Sure, but why can't we get-stuff-done while enjoying the good things that God has given (yup, preaching to myself)? Now you might think this is just my vacation-bliss talking right now, but I don't think so. My good things are not relegated to the one week a year where we happen to take a nap in the middle of the day (though that's pretty awesome!).

God meets me with the blessings of good things. 
I want to see those good things and be thankful for them daily.


Yes, we did a two-year anniversary photo shoot.... with my camera & tripod. Brandon called me "clever." I called myself "paranoid" for spending most of the time hoping the camera didn't fall in the water. 
a) the camera did not fall in the water.
b) then Brandon kissed me and I forgot why I was worried. :P 
c) I love being married to him. 

I choose to just live.

Throughout our dating days, Brandon and I would often joke that romance would find us without even trying. Through the months of dating, we "happened" upon beauty and sunsets and oceans and moments that really did take my breath away. Moments where time stands still and life seems to be suspended for just a minute. Where I am stunned and awed and overwhelmed and thoroughly blessed by the privilege of the experience. Over the weekend, we had another one of those unexpected moments and I'm still thinking about it.




Sometimes God gives good gifts. The experience of watching a glorious sunset over a shimmering river with my husband?
Unplanned.
Unexpected.
Incomparable.

1 Timothy 1:5