And So I Cried

9:33 PM

It was an abnormal Saturday already. Because my husband has been ill for the past week and a half with a case of shingles, I was photographing a wedding without him. My younger brother came along to play assistant. We were having fun, working hard and laughing hard as we shared the jokes that siblings share--the raised eyebrows and silly comments mixed with the running commentary of personal details that we like to tell each other.

We ate a hurried dinner with other wedding vendors on a deck overlooking corn fields and Pennsylvania mountains. I jumped up to return to the reception tent, because I'm always paranoid that I'm missing something important. Zeph pulled out his cell phone that had been on silent for the past five hours, and hit a button to make a call. I saw the look on his face and knew something was wrong.

Our Uncle Ron went to be with Jesus just a few hours before.
It was completely unexpected.
The shock silenced me and confused me and hurt me all over.

We walked back over to the reception tent as he told me the few details he knew. I was holding on. Two and a half more hours of photography. Two and half more hours to watch people dance, drink and be merry.. while it all seemed so inconsequential and our hearts were hurting with inexpressible pain.

9:00 came not soon enough. Darkness had fallen and I stumbled along the front yard towards my car. I could hardly see my hand in front of my face. Finally, it all becomes real. A reality that I hate.

and so I cried.
Hot tears ran down my face all the way home.
and so I cried.
In my husband's arms... grieving for my aunt who is now a widow.
and so I cried.
In the night's hold, I wept for the daughters whose daddy is not there.
and so I cried.
In the morning when I couldn't answer "how are you?" without a tear.
and so I cried.
when they played "better is one day in Your house" and I know it was true for my uncle who loved Jesus, but it hurts so much for those left behind.
and so I cried.
when our pastor preached about the trials of Job.

and so I cry... clinging to the promise of hope we have in Christ. Crying for comfort like only He can give. Holding to the future where there is no pain or death or struggle.

"He will swallow up death for all time,
And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken."
Isaiah 25:8

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