{Musings on Relationships} When People Disagree

7:30 AM

I wrote this just a few days before I became engaged, as I was seriously considering the comments, opinions and words of people that I respected... but could not respect their perspective.

Not "if" they disagree. "When" they disagree.
Because it will definitely happen. Someone. At least one person or two people, and in all likelihood, many more than just two will disagree with what you are doing, how you are doing whatever you're doing, and the person whom you choose to do this dating-thing with.

Even if you've prayed.
Even if you've done everything "right."
Even if you've sought your parents' wisdom.
Even if you staying in the Word, stayed seeking the face of God.
Even if your heart remained open to the Lord.
Even if you were absolutely, completely, wholeheartedly honest before God.
Even if you're walking in total purity of conscience and practice.
Even if all you wanted was to do the will of God.
People *will* disagree.

People will disagree because they don't like your person. Ya know, that person you are considering for marriage. They don't like him, they don't like his choices, they don't like his character. They don't like his job, his schooling, his spirituality. They don't think he's good enough, attractive enough, and the "right fit" for you. They don't think you'll be a good match. They don't think he'll be a spiritual leader. Blah blah blah (the objections all run together after awhile).

People will disagree because they don't like your method---the way that you are walking out your pursuit of marriage. They don't like what you call it ("dating? courting? intentional pursuit? serious consideration?"). They will think their way is better or more spiritual or more Biblical. They will gauge your story by their own story. They will weigh your experience against their own experience --- and undoubtedly, in their mind, yours will be found wanting. They don't like the timing--that you're too fast or too slow. That you're saying the wrong things at the wrong time, you're doing the wrong things at the wrong time. You should have NOT done this or you should HAVE done that.

People will disagree because they don't know the whole story... and maybe the whole story isn't any of their business.
People will disagree because sometimes they're emotionally driven.
People will disagree because they're bored and have nothing better to do than consider everyone else's lives, instead of looking at their own.
People will disagree because they *do* care about you, and feel the need to express caution-- warranted or unwarranted.
People will disagree because this looks different than what they have seen before.
People will disagree because they don't. like. change. They like things to stay the same. As they were. You used to be single; can't you stay that way forever?
People will disagree because they're human. And humans are sometimes disagreeable.
People will disagree because they're prone to making mistakes... and they genuinely want you to avoid mistakes that they've made.
People will disagree because they think life should be fair. And someone should have treated them better. Like people are treating *you*.
People will disagree because it's easier to make snap judgments & speak, than to pray and leave it in the hands of God.

In the end. It really doesn't matter.
Whether their disagreement is sincere or selfishly motivated.
Whether they have wisdom or simply spiritual words cloaking foolish ideals.
Whether their concerns are wrong, right or some muddled conglomeration.

The real questions are:
Am I right before God?
Has He spoken to me?
Am I sure of His leading?
Am I clear in conscience?
Is my life blameless before Him?

If the answers to those questions are YES, let the people disagree.

*The caveat is that sometimes people disagree because you are wrong. Brandon and I have been the on the receiving end of both reeeeally good and reeeeally bad advice about relationships. We are simply thankful that the Lord brought us to a place where we could hear His voice about the most important decision of our lives and the courage to walk that path. That being said, don't marry an idiot and then say "people will disagree" because I said so. NOT what I'm saying at all. :P

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