But I won't waste this epic 300th blog post by rambling about blogging...

Let's talk "Weekend in Review!"

For some reason, competition was the theme of my entire weekend. There was 3 crazy games of racquetball with my mom. And watching scary people play basketball at the IM building. There was the youth group’s raucous and intense Killer UNO tournament. The Green-Eyed Girl won it all! And wore her UNO Champion hat proudly! Then I watched basketball. Then I watched my mom and The Little Bro compete in a racquetball doubles tournament. It was double elimination and they lost both matches. However, one team they played would be heading to nationals next week—and Mom & The Little Bro gave them reason to be scared!! NICE! :) And I watched more crazy IM basketball… actually considered joining one game full of Chinese guys. Because they were about my height! :) Later that day, I played some basketball with The Tall Guy, The Crazy Kid and The City Guy…. Doesn’t that sound fun? Actually, it was quite invigorating. However, playing on a mountaintop means running down a hill every 5 minutes to retrieve a runaway basketball. A-nnoy-ing! Then I played some pool. And lost miserably (I knew my skills from last weekend were short-lived!). And checked basketball scores. Then Sunday came—party at my house! MORE basketball watching.

It sounds like I did nothing except obsess over sports. Which is not true! There was still time throughout the weekend for cleaning the house, watching a girlie movie, grilling for the 1st time this season!, deep conversations, campfire in the misty rain (and playing with fire), baking for my middle-schoolers, reading a book that made me angry, good news from the accountant!, CHURCH, laughing til I cried, Sister Act 2 (watching only the music parts!), introducing myself to new people, AWWWing over The Little Lady Baby’s hand motions during a Sunday School song, reading of an intriguing book, listening to good teaching CDs and philosophizing about Keith Green's life, writing a song, looking at new handguns, taking notes about God's moves throughout history and so much more. :)

On Tuesday evening, I was in the middle of a youth prayer meeting—a rather awesome, vibrant and intense prayer meeting—when someone came to whisper shocking news in my ear. A young married couple from our church had been in a car accident. There was no information known except the two different hospitals they had been taken to. One hospital named “_____ Trauma Center.” Didn’t sound good.

I was shocked. I was having flashbacks to the serious car accident that my pastor’s family was involved in about ten years ago. And then… I was mad!

In the last week or so, we have been SO encouraged about what God is doing in our midst. His mighty acts. His tremendous power. His willingness to change lives. My own faith is increasing to believe God for awesome things that will bring glory to His name!

And now… when confronted with this situation, I was angry. Angry at the enemy for attacking our Body in this way. For attempting to destroy two lives devoted to the Lord. And the youth immediately began to intercede for this couple, their physical healing and everything about the situation.

Through the evening—which I spent the next 3 ½ hours at an emergency room—we were relieved to find out the injuries were not life-threatening. THANK YOU JESUS!!! The husband had only a few cuts, the most serious being on his forehead, requiring the doctor to search & remove an annoying piece of glass and then give him a few stitches. The wife had a more serious injury—a fractured pelvis. As we continue to pray for healing, peace and provision, I have been thinking a lot about the continued spiritual battle that we live in.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”
Ephesians 6:12-13

We must STAND. Not give in. Not give up on the promises of God. The circumstances ought not determine our faith or our trust in God. He remains the same, no matter what attack the enemy brings against us. God is the Victor! If we align ourselves to Him and His Word, we will be victorious.

I may be weak and powerless in myself, but I hide myself in the One who judges & makes war. The One who is the King over all. The Head of the Heavenly Host.

This is War. And Jesus will win!!!

When I rejoice…or yell… or sigh… or laugh… (Weekend in Review)

When my fingers were numb with cold during Friday night outreach: “suffering for the Gospel—American-style!”
When TV people decide to switch back-and-forth between basketball games when there remains only 15 seconds on the clock, and then another game in double-overtime: “What are you DOING?!”
When we work on songwriting after midnight.
When the giggling is unending during youth girls’ breakfast.
When The Bro-in-Law roto-tills the garden for me—I keep saying “THANK YOU!”
When I beat at a shrub’s roots with a shovel for 30 minutes, and it does no good (can I just cover it up?).
When friends come to help with non-glamorous spring gardening.
When I imagine green grass and flowers and pretty bushes and vegetables growing!
When I view Fireproof twice in 24 hours.
When I cheer for the underdogs in basketball—just because they’re underdogs (and Texan).
When I spend hours hanging with the young adults and my team rocks at Buzzword—we are the champions!
When the middle school boys get excited over baked goods (I paid a pie-debt).
When we sing with glorious abandon during Sunday morning worship!
When The Pastor preaches about ditches again… actually, NOT falling into ditches of hyper-sovereignty or hyper-faith. Just handle the Word accurately!
When Sunday dinner at my parents’ house turns into a house party—the food multiplied to feed a crowd! :)
When Bible studies and conversations about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and excitement over God’s work spontaneously happen.
When I constantly sink power shots, while insisting “I’m REALLY not this good at pool!”
When my family watches a most intriguing documentary on youtube.
When I step out my parents' front door and am breathless over the panorama of dazzling stars in the evening sky.

The end draweth nigh, and here it is! We’ve talked about sooo many topics relating to Singleness. Things like Trust, Idolatry, Purity, Friendship, Distraction, etc. I’ve racked my brain to think of the many struggles and victories that I’ve had, and tried to write about them all. I hope that you (whether married or single) have found encouragement, exhortation and edification through this series. I pray that God’s Word is a seed that is received into the good soil of your heart and that it will bear spiritual fruit in your life. Now let's close this with a bang!

Last topic, but not the least… let’s talk about the most important part: Knowing God!

“More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…”
Philippians 3:8

Being victorious in this season of singleness comes down to one thing: your relationship with God. Letting Him speak to you and you speaking with Him. Growing, learning, maturing, listening, serving, obeying. It’s all about knowing God. If you get this right, you get it all right! This is the secret. The good news. The magic pill (being facetious). Just know God.

But you might be still stuck on the Singleness topic. Still wondering—how do I get from singleness to marriage? And I answer again, focus on knowing God. My pastor said recently, “Too many are looking for leading, without looking for the Shepherd.” If you know the voice of the Shepherd, you won’t be able to miss His will for your life! When the enemy brings thoughts of doubt and questions to my mind, such as, "What if you would've done this? Gone here? Done that? Where would you be now? What if you missed God?", I always go back to the fact that I had been with God, praying, reading His Word, doing His work, seeking His will. And I am trusting His voice in my daily decisions, so I can't miss Him in the big decisious.

We could sum up with one simple phrase:
“Pray and Obey.”
Daily, hourly, and throughout our lives. We must seek to know Christ, and obey His voice. Through this, we will honor Him in every season of life-including singleness.


If you have any thoughts, questions or comments on this series, please leave a comment! I welcome your feedback. :) And it's always good to hear that people are reading!

It's March Madness! Of course, I'm gonna be using basketball metaphors. Actually... while I like basketball, I don't watch much TV at all! So my exposure to the craziness of college basketball tournaments is limited to 30 minutes of ESPN when I'm at the gym... or obsessive checking of the scores of the PSU vs. George Mason game in the NIT tourney. Which Penn State won. HAHA to all my George Mason friends. :) Kidding!! I know--it's not much to brag about. :)

I still remember one day when my dad explained what a full court press is and how it works in a basketball game. I love the intensity of close games (true confession: that's when I actually start paying attention!). The quick changes in possession. The scoring frenzy. The inevitable fouls and flaring tempers. Those last few minutes of the game is when the rubber meets the road. If people were lackadaisical before... no more! Time is short! Stakes are high! It's time to make your move!

The literal definition of a full court press is "a tactic of harassing, close-guarding defense in which the team without the ball pressures the opponent man-to-man the entire length of the court in order to disrupt dribbling or passing and force a turnover." I know... pretty cool, eh?

The more figurative definition is "a vigorous attack or offensive; strong pressure."

Yeah, basketball got me thinkin' about spiritual things. About how we live in this life. How sometimes it seems like we've got all the time in the world. And we live that way---living for today, tomorrow and the next day. We have lulled into a spiritual sleep. "So then let us not sleep as others do, but let us be alert and sober!" (1 Thess. 5:6)

This is no time for sleeping! Why? Because we are living in the last days! "The end of all things is near..." Instead of sleeping, we must recognize the perilous times we live in, and "...be of sound judgment and sober spirit, for the purpose of prayer." 1 Peter 4:7

We have an enemy who is great at deception, distraction, and finally, destruction. He never ceases to "... prowl around like a roaring like, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) This is why it is absolutely necessary to remain sober and alert!

Saints, this is the time to FIGHT! Be fervent. Be zealous! Prepare for action! Get into the heat of the battle, because the stakes are high and the time is short!
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:13

Even in the midst of the battle--and this is where I divert from the basketball metaphors--we can't be focused on our enemy. We must look to Jesus-the author and finisher of our faith! It's all about Him, anyway!

So I ask you... Where's your full court press? Are you prepared for action? Pressing in to prayer? Aware of the devil's schemes? Fixing your hope on Jesus and His SOON return? Are you living like the game has just begun? Or like the end is drawing near? Are you fighting with your whole passion/strength/energy?

"Fight the good fight of faith..." 1 Timothy 6:12

We are nearing the end of the long, very extended series on Singleness. I didn't realize that it has been over a month since the beginning of this series. This is partially because singleness is a such a multi-faceted topic, and partly because I don't blog as a full-time job. Thank goodness.

It's important to keep marriage and singleness in the right perspective. While these things seem ALL-CONSUMING to the single person, life is not all about marriage. Life is all about God. When our eyes are turned to always seeking a relationship or romance or marriage or fulfillment from people, disappointment is unavoidable! We (especially the ladies) start think the our ultimate fulfillment comes from marriage. The white horse/my prince/typical chick flick storyline fantasy is just that---a fantasy. The story doesn't end at marriage. As Christians, our blessed hope is found in the coming of Christ! We should always looking up--looking forward to His return. While there is nothing wrong with looking forward to another season of our lives, we cannot elevate marriage above its proper place. Marriage is GOOD. It's God's will for many of us. Marriage will come in God's proper timing. However, it is not our ultimate goal in life! If we think that way, life after the honeymoon is gonna be quite devoid of purpose... Not God's intention at all.

Another danger to our perspective is the tendency to believe that marriage a reward for the really spiritual people!... Sounds so strange when I write this out in black-and-white. Sometimes, we start to believe that God is trying to teach us something by withholding marriage. Newsflash: Sinners get married all the time! Non-spiritual people get married all the time! Baby Christians get married all the time! Mature Christians get married all the time! Marriage is not a prize for when we do a certain number of good works. Or attain some spiritual level. Actually, in 1 Corinthians 7, marriage is suggested if you don't have self-control. Because you know, it's better to marry than to burn! Hmmmm. :) My point is, again, don't elevate marriage above its proper place. If you are wholeheartedly seeking God--not marriage--He will lead you in the times and seasons of your life. Probably to marriage. It will be for His glory alone!

MY WEEKEND:

Laughter. Yes, laughing until the tears came over the comedy of Brad Stine about animal rights. I cried *real tears*… Mucho gracias to The Chatty Girl for her insistence on watching those videos! :)

Group Effort/Tract Stamping. “Can you answer the million-dollar question? And why did you stamp your arm? Everyone should stamp their arms! And then get it tattooed there! Ahhhh, no, I was kidding! Don’t tell your parents that the youth leader endorsed tattoos… it was a joke! A JOKE!”

Spontaneous Music. BarlowGirl and Casting Crowns, tinkering on the piano and pretty harmony with the youth girls.

Shopping. The long-awaited, much-planned-for shopping trip with The Sis and two little girlies. Who just loved to play under the clothes racks (just like I used to!) and fast food of the Mexican persuasion and listen to stories read by auntie while mommy was busy in the fitting room. And yes, I did manage to purchase some lovely new clothes. :)

Anne of Avonlea. Sunday afternoon movie. Restful and romantic and wonderful. My roomie agrees. And my parents even watched for awhile! :)

Pasta, pasta, pasta… I (heart) new Italian recipes. And making food for hungry people. And my messy apron. And garlic bread that semi-flopped, but still tasted grand. And sparkling grape juice.

New Glasses. Not eye-glasses. Cup glasses. For liquids. My own set. In my own house. For months, I have been constantly breaking what few glasses I had. Another two glasses bit the dust on Thursday. My joy over the new glasses was quite effusive... What can I say? The little things excite me.

Glorious Almost-Springtime. Walks about town wearing a hoodie! Not a wool coat!! Caressing breezes, not bitter cold. Planning for my flower/herb/vegetable gardens. Spring is not here yet… but it’s coming!

LOOK! The single most distinct word from Sunday morning’s sermon. I was on the edge of my seat, chin resting in my hands, leaning forward and completely riveted by The Pastor’s words as he told the story of Charles Spurgeon’s salvation. I must tell the story because it affected me greatly. Spurgeon tells of a snowstorm on the day he was saved, and he was forced to attend a Primitive Methodist church. Very small congregation, only about 12-15 people. The one who preached was not a minister, but a layperson, and according to Spurgeon, “a very thin-looking man… this man was very stupid. He was obliged to stick to the text, for the simple reason that he had little else to say!” This man preached about looking at Christ. Then, he fixed his eyes on Spurgeon and said, “Young man, look to Jesus Christ! Look! Look! LOOK!” And that happy day, Charles Spurgeon found the Savior. And on this blessed Sunday, I was reminded to LOOK at Christ, my Shepherd, Leader and Shelter.

Musings on Singleness: Friendship with Married People

My warning to you! About married people, please don’t kick ‘em to the curb just as soon as they say their vows. You need them!!

If we neglect to pursue friendship with married couples, we have missed an OVERWHELMING blessing of the Body of Christ in action. Remember, the Body is many different parts working together. If I am isolated into a group of people that look like me, act like me, have the same problems as me, where is the edification in that?

However, if I am continually in contact with people who may have been in my situation before and have moved onto another, I can be blessed in so many ways. Several years ago, I was an assistant in a small campus group. We would have weekly planning meetings at the home of a young married couple, the small group leaders. I can’t tell you how many nights we sat there and we segued from ministry planning to stories about their lives. I must have heard their love story ten or twenty times and it still never fails to fascinate me. I listened to the way they met, and grew in friendship, fell in love, prayed for wisdom, individually fought God’s will, or surrendered to God’s will, kept the faith and finally got married, and are still serving the Lord together. I watched them raising children together. And ministering to college students together. Obviously, at that time, I wasn’t even close to marriage. But the testimony of God’s faithfulness was revealed in the life story of my friends. And I would have missed so much by limiting myself to relationships with only people that are a carbon copy of myself!

Sometimes, there are challenges. Every friendship goes through seasons of change. My best friend (and sister) used to be in the same season as me. We lived together, worked together, went to Bible college together and even were in ministry together. And then, her season of life changed. I am single. Now she is married. I work full-time. And she works full-time in the home, taking care of two wonderful little girls… It was quite a drastic adjustment for our friendship. The friendship looks different than it did 7 years ago, but the foundation remains the same. We don’t go out for ice cream or midnight Walmart runs together anymore. But we do talk on the phone daily, and still discuss important issues. Now we schedule things a lot farther in advance, and I always assume that little children are coming along. I understand that email probably isn’t gonna happen. And that I can’t call during naptime. And that Friday nights are “date night” with her husband. I understand that I just dropped a few spaces in the priority list. But I have never ceased to feel loved and cherished as a friend, by the changing season. It’s no lie—we do spend LESS time together, but it is the right amount of time for this season.

Friendship is about recognizing God’s will for each other’s lives and striving to help Him attain it with us. Friendship is about growth and change and yes, differences. Without the rough edges of sandpaper, nothing would become quite so silky-smooth. It is our different working parts within the Body of Christ, and our love for one another, that makes us beautiful. And makes us fruitful in the kingdom of God.

Some great things about friendships with married couples:
-Observing a functional marriage (rare in this day of rising divorce rates).
-Learning about Biblical gender roles in action.
-Getting two different perspectives at one time! Like joint wisdom!
-And then.. there's the ever-elusive matchmaking that is inevitable when happily-married couples are anywhere in the vicinity. :)

To sum up: Value your friendships with married couples in the Body of Christ. There is much to be gained in these changing seasons.

Why do I always choose to talk about the tough subjects? Yet here I am again. Tackling a concept that I would rather not… We are going to talk about appropriate and edifying friendship with other singles. Personally, I love to gather with groups of other single Christian young people. If, for no other reason, than to observe the romantic undercurrents going on within the group. (I know, I know. What a twisted sense of humor I have!). No matter what method of the pursuit of marriage that you prefer: dating, courting, non-dating, etc., it usually begins friendship. And this is where the line of appropriateness in relationships gets easily blurred.

Some of this is my personal opinion, and speculation from what I have seen and learned throughout my life so far. The Bible doesn’t give specific rules of conduct between single ladies and men, so we will attempt to apply relevant principles.

1. Be Pure (in all Contact)
“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
1 Timothy 5:1-2

My little brother (who is pretty grown-up now, at the amazing age of 19) is very affectionate to his sisters. And we’re cool with that. Because he is our brother, and we love him, and a nice brother who is openly affectionate should be commended!! My brother wraps his arms around me, plays with my hair and tickles me—totally cool. Hilarious and adorable. A guy friend, a brother in Christ, tries to do that to me—NOT cool! Because we are talking electricity! Currents of something running through my veins! Maybe he is clueless. Maybe it’s pure and innocent. Maybe it is unintentional.

You see, people have used the concept of spiritual brother/sisterhood to justify inappropriate physical contact between the genders. There is a one glaring difference between acceptable affection between *real* brothers & sisters and acceptable conduct between unmarrieds in the Body of Christ. The difference is: the inciting of passion.

“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
1 Corinthians 7:1
Don’t get me wrong, people—I don’t believe that it’s evil to tap someone’s arm to get their attention! But I don’t think Paul is referring to that kind of touching. Touch, in this context, insinuates touching that kindles or ignites passion.

A friend told me this funny story a few years ago. He walked up to a girl at church and just laid his arms on her shoulder. He was just being relaxed and friendly. Yet she jumped back and said, “Don’t touch me! I’m not yours!!!” She interpreted his actions as possessive, when he had no right to possess her body. And I give the girl props for speaking so clearly. (Her phrase became quite the byline in the youth group for awhile. So much that I had to run interference and warn the girls to speak in love and kindness!). “You are bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:20. I’m exhorting you ladies, guard that body of yours! It’s beautiful and naturally attractive. This is all the more reason to be holy (set apart) in body and spirit! (according to 1 Corinthians 7:34).

2. Consider Appropriate Conversation
For singles - I believe there are some subjects that are absolutely inappropriate to discuss between the genders. Mostly relating to sexual things. But also, I believe your primary spiritual accountability should be to a person of the same gender. It is foolish to bear your soul without restraint to someone of the opposite gender. This encourages an emotional intimacy and dependency that is unhealthy outside of the marriage covenant.

3. Have No Regrets
The fact of the matter is… there’s a 99.9999% chance that you are not going to marry this guy. Okay, maybe my statistics are faulty. I am trying to prove a point. Just because a guy is nice and Christian and happens to run in your circle of friends or go to your church or whatever, that doesn’t mean that he is going to marry YOU! Wisdom is operating under the assumption that he is going to marry someone else. And treating him that way. So in the end, when he stands on his wedding day with another Godly young woman at his side, you can honestly and wholeheartedly rejoice. With no regrets.

I’ve been blessed with some great friendships with Godly young men in my life. Had deep and sometimes long conversations. Talked about life, ministry, personal quirks, funny stories, relationships, marriage, and many other things. Encouraged, edified, laughed, wondered, smiled, rejoiced, commiserated, bantered, teased, spoken honestly and received another’s perspective. And there have been weddings. And probably will be many more weddings, until all of my friends are married off. :)

By the grace of God, I have no regrets. Nothing to be ashamed of. No guilt over my words or actions, because I have treated these young men as my brothers. The friendship remained pure in intention and execution, so I could rejoice with them on their days of rejoicing.

As a side note: “No regrets” doesn’t mean that the friendship stays the same. Marriage brings change, whether we like it or not. Practically, there are time constraints. And some changes are necessary, such as making allowances for safety. I know a woman who, when required to email a married man for whatever reason (ministry, etc.), always sends a carbon copy to his wife. Good for her! I have used the same concept at times to guard myself. We must avoid even the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

4. Live in the Light
“… God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another…”
1 John 1:5-7

Practical Application: Never speak anything, write anything or express anything that you would be ashamed to let your parents know. (to those of you without Godly parents, never do anything that you’d be ashamed to let MY parents know! Just kidding! Actually, consider the wisdom of your spiritual leadership). Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Especially since I’m a 26-year-old, independent woman, living in my own house. The American within me cries out against submission to leadership. But the Christian within me (or rather, the Christ within me) humbly admits my need for oversight. I have a healthy sense of fear when it comes to guy/girl friendships. So much that if I have the slightest doubt about the appropriateness of my action, I check with my parents. I welcome their oversight and willingly volunteer information. Remember, if something has to be hidden, it’s probably sin.

To sum up, I believe it is entirely possible to have great, pure and edifying friendships with single members of the opposite sex. We must be seek wisdom and exercise caution, so that God is glorified in our friendships.

Musings on Singleness: Service

Throughout this series, I have been posing many questions to reveal the state of our hearts. Let us have a little change of direction. It’s never a good idea to look too much at self. We run the risk of becoming “navel-gazers.” Heart examination is good; self-obsession is not.

Now let’s turn our attention to the right actions commanded by Scripture for this season of singleness. It is impossible to divorce our actions from our hearts. The heart is the source/reason/motivation for every action.

Singles are notoriously self-absorbed. Because ya know, we only have to worry about ourselves--our lives, our money, our business, our time, our pleasure, our relaxation, our tiredness, our hobbies, our interests... I will stop now. Let me repeat my youth group's mantra, "It's not about me! (it's all about God)." When our hearts are turned from constant speculation about our own selves, we can focus on doing God’s work! Good deeds! Serving the Master!

Young men are commanded to “be an example of good deeds.” Titus 2:7. I think we can reasonably apply that Scripture to all of us single people. There’s no excuse for laziness while we are single. In the absence of family responsibilities, we ought to be “careful to engage in good deeds,” Titus 3:8. Our focus is should be turned from serving ourselves, to serving others by doing good deeds. “And let our people also learn to engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.” Titus 3:14. If there are needs in the Body, it is our responsibility to meet those needs. And that is considered spiritual fruit!

As people possessed by God, our passion is doing good deeds! Even being zealous for them, according to Titus 3:14.

Good deeds. Works. Serving others. These things are not just church volunteer work! Nor is it relegated to anything church-building-related. Service is serving people. In many different capacities.

As a single person and a necessary part of the Body of Christ, now is the time to consider what part good deeds have had in your life. Have you made yourself available to help people? By moving? Babysitting? Helping with home improvement projects? Caring for someone who is sick? There are endless possibilities to what can be done to serve one another.

“So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.”
Galatians 6:10

Home, sweet, home… On Friday night, we packed an incredible number of youth and young adults into my house for a veritable feast of Mexican food. Including strange, yet yummy fruit empanadas and miscellaneous Mexican dishes… then time for my new favorite movie—Madagascar 2! Remind me never to invite that many people for a movie night! It was hilarious and very squished and my legs were numb after only about five minutes. Ouch! Much laughter and funny commentary and poking people. After the crowd thinned, we watched the movie again. LOL. Because my roomie hadn’t seen it yet. And because I needed to make sure the hilarious quotes were correct! “It’s a bit of a dump—are you sure we’re not in New Jersey?” and “Whatever happened to de separation of de classes?” … Saturday was much-home-time. Besides working out at the gym with my slave-driver of a brother. Ouch! Cleaning, reading, writing, working on music, hunting up financial information. This was so much more interesting because of the gorgeous pre-spring weather. Only a teaser because March often comes in like a lion and stays that way even until April. But I enjoyed the lovely weather nonetheless. With the windows flung wide open, listening the creek waters’ rippling music, feeling the caressing breezes and hearing music in my soul… Sunday began quite abruptly with a phone call informing me that I had neglected (because of ignorance) to turn my clocks back for daylight savings’ time and needed to be at church in 15 minutes. It’s a 10 minute drive. Figure that one out. Nothing like getting ready for church in 5 minutes!!! And then forgetting stuff and driving back home. A little late, but there have been worse mornings. :) It was an incredible doctrine teaching day. Two sessions about salvation, justification by faith, regeneration, sanctification and the basics of how to get saved, and what you do because you’re saved. Then lunch with the family, missions reading, a nice nap, an ice cream run with the roomie and lovely time with an English movie and lots of blogging. It's nice to have a pleasant home. And to spend a weekend at home. :)

Musings on Singleness: Loneliness

There was an interview given by Nicole Kidman, a famous actress (and no, I don’t recommend her movies) about her response to winning an Oscar. Surprisingly, at the pinnacle of her career and as the whole world recognized her accomplishments in film, Ms. Kidman did not feel happiness—rather, she felt loneliness. She said, “It felt big. It felt lonely and big. You’re in a hotel and you’re like, okay well, I’m sitting in this big suite with an Oscar, and I still don’t have a life. What is wrong with me?”

Movie stars, the larger-than-life characters and the normal people. We are all the same. We all possess an innate desire for companionship. And affection. And relationship. We don’t simply want to live our lives—we want to share our lives with others.

Being alone. Solitary. Single. It is a scary thing. To face life, in all its mountaintops and valleys, alone is a daunting task. When life hands you a victory, it’s tough to have no one to call but your mom. When life hands you a defeat, it’s difficult to be alone. To cry alone. To pray alone. To stand in faith alone. To just. be. alone.

You know the verse, “One may put a thousand to flight, and two, ten thousand.” When the married folks are encouraged, us singles are feeling kinda gypped. Only a thousand running away? I NEED those ten thousand running today!

Do I sound depressed? Sad? Discouraged?

I would rather say honest. The Christian life is not always happy. It is not always fun. Have you read the book of Psalms? Have you looked past the normal religious phrases and really felt the heart-rending cries of those writers?

“Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me. My heart is appalled within me.”
Psalm 143:4

“… For I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged. Bring me out of my distresses.”
Psalm 25:16-17

One great theme of Psalms is deliverance! There is honesty in the songs, and there is worship and there is praise for the Deliverer. Jesus is the Word. His Word always points to Him and what He has done/is doing for us. I may fully recognize the negative feelings (and know that the Bible validates their existence), but I also know that the Lord has provided deliverance from a seemingly futile loneliness. If you are alone, it is for God’s purpose—as painful and harsh as that may sound.

Often, a season of solitude is God’s means of preparing us for ministry. Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness—alone, for the most part. And God spoke to him and commissioned him to do a work of deliverance. Paul spent years out in Arabia, Damascus, Syria and Cilicia, after his conversion, yet still unknown to the church. Jesus walked 40 days in temptation by the devil, with no one to uphold Him except the Father. He spent three years in the company of his disciples, who were friends and yet did not fully grasp the magnitude of His purpose, the weight of His burden or the complexity of His existence. Jesus had to set Himself apart from them for even entire nights spent in prayer alone.

Loneliness forces us to examine ourselves. After stripping away all the other voices screaming for attention and clearing the massive quantities of information, we are left to ourselves. Lonely. And suddenly, the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit resonates in our soul. Often exposing the hidden areas, the painful areas, the sinful areas. The darkened corners of our hearts, the long-ignored character flaws, the “acceptable” sins, the correct actions without the right heart motives…

What to do in this solitary season?
Embrace loneliness. Welcome loneliness as an opportunity to lift your eyes to Jesus. Meet loneliness as a way for you to be sifted and tried and tested. “For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.” Psalm 66:10… A method for the Lord to make us pure, blameless and spotless before Him. He is clearing away other voices so you can clearly hear His voice in a lonely and deserted place. How convenient. See, sometimes loneliness is a good thing after all.

Musings on Singleness: Distraction

Distraction. It's happened to all of us. We'll be walking along, happily engrossed in life and ministry, doing well in the things of God, serving in the kingdom... and then *BAM* someone appears. And all of the sudden, feelings are going crazy. Birds begin to sing. We see fireworks and smell roses and everything seems a bit fuzzy and fantastic! :)

Why does this happen? Beats me! Even the Proverbs.. in all their wisdom.. could not understand the mystery of ‘the way of a man with a maid.’ (Proverbs 30:18-19) All I know is that attraction happens. Let me be clear: Attraction is not evil! Without it, I highly doubt anybody would be getting married...

A good friend once told me, "There's nothing wrong with noticing Jesus in someone." If you are attracted to someone's spirituality, it's okay! Heck--being attracted to someone physically and intellectually, etc. is okay, too. However, when attraction becomes distraction, there is a problem.

The Word gives a pretty clear idea of what a single person’s life should look like.

“But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord… And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit;… And this I say for your benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 7: 32-35

How do we know that we have become distracted?
When our focus on Christ is lost.
When our concern is for pleasing a person, rather than the things of the Lord.
When our love for Christ or my devotion to the ministry of the kingdom has lessened.
When we find soulish sustenance from any other thing than obedience to God.
When we forgot that our JOB, especially as singles according to 1 Corinthians 7, is to do the work of God.

How do we deal with distraction?
Refocus on God, not self (me).
We used to have a phrase in youth small groups that was the standard answer for every. single. discussion question. The leader would ask, “How are you going to apply this certain principle to your life?” Inevitably, someone would reply, “Read more, pray more!” It became the all-encompassing answer to every question. This annoyed the group leaders to no end, yet it is true in a basic Christian way. When we are faced with struggles—even of the romantic attraction variety—the first place we need to run for is the prayer closet. The first counsel we should seek is the Word of God. Too many times, we sense feelings changing in our hearts or are presented with some amazing person and our instant inclination is to pick up the phone & spill our hearts to the BFF. Not wise, my friends, not wise. A human will never give the wisdom, peace, discernment and strength needed to deal with crazy human feelings.

Getting on our knees about an attraction keeps it from becoming distraction.
Getting before the Lord keeps our perspective eternal, rather than temporal.
Getting out the Word keeps our hearts set on the spiritual, rather than the carnal.

Don’t take my point and twist it to say that I am rejecting Godly counsel or the wisdom of parents/pastors/mature spiritual friends. May it never be! God has ordained and set people in your life to speak words of wisdom. However, HE is the first and best place you should run.

The fact is--before anyone even gets to marriage, there has to be 'noticing' someone/interest and then attraction and then Godly pursuit in God's timing. There is a right and good way to go about marriage. Attraction provides the motivation to seek after marriage. So you could say--depending on the situation--attraction is used by God. Hmmm, revolutionary concept.

Marriage should not hinder our pursuit of God, but rather multiply it to greater depths. Singleness should also be an unhindered pursuit of God.
Distraction can be avoided, if we continually resolve to set our hearts on the Lord and seek His wisdom in all we say and do.

Musings on Singleness: Satisfaction

Shepherd Jesus
Are You my satisfaction?
I shall not be in want.
My sustenance.
Are You my restoration?
I shall not stray the path.

Lead me in the good paths,
Your paths
Of righteousness.
Even when I walk in darkness
I follow
Your nearness.

Fear flees from me
I am overwhelmed in peace
Your comfort.
Your shelter.

The question we are anxiously avoiding is this: “What if the Lord doesn’t want me to get married? Like EVER?!!” Honesty requires us to say, “I don’t think I could handle that!” Trust me, sometimes I feel the same way! The truth is, if God called you for that, He would also grace you for that. Supernatural ability would be abundant in your life.

But I think this painful question brings a more important question to light. The depths of our hearts are exposed. And our loyalties are brought into the light. We should ask ourselves the question, “Can I be satisfied in only Jesus forever?”

When I’ve asked myself the ultimate question of satisfaction, I remember Psalm 23:1. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” There are no exceptions to that verse. No outs. No “unless-I’m-single-and-therefore-alone-and-in-need-and-in-want-of-companionship.” Nope! In Jesus, I am and should be completely satisfied!

Ask yourself—
Am I completely satisfied in Jesus?
Do I find my greatest joy and highest pleasure in His presence?

“But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.
Psalm 73:28

“As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness: I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake.”
Psalm 17:15

Quick thinking word games with The Little Bro while on the road. Slapping together sandwiches for the bachelor party. Victorious bball games and time with friends. Following an energetic child around the gym and talking. Chinese food & movie musical time. My warning text to a bachelor at the bachelor party, “Is it safe to come home now?” hehe. (No worries, people—the most horrible thing they did was annihilate each other in video games!). Giddy groom & groomsmen. I love how people become giddy before a wedding. It must be the love in the air!… Early breakfast at Starbucks (YES!!!). Teatime with lemon cake and great conversation. A GOOD morning! :) Stealing moments at the piano. Frantic searching for people to pin boutonnières onto them. “I’m just the assistant!” AWWWWWW at the whole wedding. Even the kiss and the good-bye sparklers, “Stop waving those around! You’ll singe my suit!” An hour of indecisiveness during and after the reception: “What do you wanna do?” “I don’t know; what do you wanna do?” The funny-ness of The Three Stooges wrestling on the floor as the girls watched a chick flick. An “Aha!” moment - making family connections while meeting a pastor & his wife. Onward to hang out the miscellaneous young adults. Pool games with little skill and much jesting about Puerto Rican pool rules. And then I gave up—and played the piano. Teatime again. Madagascar 2 and then much, much conversation late into the night and early into the morning. Constant fidgeting—why can’t I be still? HA-lariousness about a poor little girl hitting her head, Mexican heritage, King Julian and other such nonsense… Snow in Virginia! Time in the presence of the Lord. "How great is our God! Sing with me, how great is our God!" Hearing the Word about gods created by people for themselves, “Bobble-head Jesus” So true. Inconveniencing everyone by the growing group of young adults standing in front of the church doors. Lunch-time with “family,” yummy chicken curry, birthday cake and my favorite people. :) Back home in PA—energy drink in hand. Heading straight to someone’s house for game night… I didn’t play any games though… Hmmm… ‘Twas good to hang with my people again. Roomies, youthies and young adults all gathered in one apartment. “Who wants to see wedding pictures?” :) Then headed for my little home-sweet-home.